we'll meet again soon

there are so many reasons why i don't belong on this earth, i could never list them all
so if there are so many, why do i still exist? why do i keep letting myself eat? 
why do i keep telling myself i'll get better?

maybe i will kill myself
or maybe i'll just run away
or maybe i'll just stay here like the scared little shit i am

maybe i'll be able to see Ragnar and Shadix again
maybe i'll see my grandfather again
maybe i'll be able to talk to my great grandmother again
maybe i'll finally get to meet my uncle

but how could i ever build up the courage to go and see them again?
when i can't even build up the courage to stand up for one of my friends?

i always say "i don't want to start an argument, but-" though the inside of me wants to unleash every slight bit of anger i have
but i know that i'll only be worse than i already am, huh?
i don't want to bottle up my anger anymore
but i don't want to lose anybody again
i'm tired of losing people
but i'm tired of all the hatred filling up in my head
i should just die